Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
When I look down, I can’t see myself, [name of student]. Onstage, I am Oberon, the disgruntled fairy king, trying to fit into an unfamiliar world. After over a hundred hours of rehearsal, lines spill out of my mouth almost unconsciously. The scratchy, swamp-green vest chafes against my wildly gesticulating arms while I spin in tight, leather jazz flats to face the crowd for my next monologue. Even though I am the actor, I feel like I am watching myself perform. I look out upon the audience. In that one moment, time stands still.
Each person is watching a different me. I catch the eyes of my friends on the tennis team who are aghast that their "chill", quick-witted friend was standing on stage wearing blue eyeshadow and bellowing about everlasting love. I could see the senior board members of our Model UN team absorbing this new dimension to me, and probably strategizing about whether this theatrical prowess could improve my performance at the next MUN conference. I spot my grandma, a playwright herself, perched on the first row wondering how her grandson, who often speaks in monosyllables at home, could be this expressive teenager onstage. My parents appear equally surprised to see their self-conscious and introverted son play this goofy character covered in leaves. In the back seats, I see the kind eyes of my history and math teachers, who supported my efforts off stage, looking bemused at seeing this unexpected side of their earnest student in class.
As I reflect on my time in high school, I feel as if I have been living my life on a metaphorical stage. These various audiences all see different parts of me. I had joined as a freshman from a small suburban middle school eager to fit into my new city high school in Chicago. I wanted to belong. I struggled to make the Model UN team at first, often overcome by nervousness and fear. Now, it has become a community I love and I’ve grown into the role of mediator and mentor within the team. I play second doubles for my tennis team, but I think the team values my ability off the court, lightening the mood when we get too serious. When I auditioned for my first play, I was too stiff. It took me a while to lose my inhibitions and make new friends.
But now that I belong in many places, a new thought has been gnawing at me. In trying to fit in everywhere, have I gone too far? Do I belong in too many places? Am I playing too many roles? Am I a shape shifter with no identity of my own?
On stage that night, I could see everybody in the audience was discovering a different part of me. Yet as I saw all my friends, family and teachers in one audience, I discovered something too. They all saw unique parts of me. But they were all authentic parts. I was not a shape shifter trying to fit in – in fact, the opposite – I was choosing who I want to be. At my core, I was an adaptable, fluid personality that needed the different audiences and different stages to tap into all that I am. That is not me trying to be someone other than myself. That was me. I was the sum of all these parts: I could still play the eloquent and aloof fairy king on stage, and still be the anxious high schooler who still stuttered whenever he got excited. Without any of these parts, I would be incomplete.
My final line rolls off my tongue and the lights fade on my outstretched arm as the stage gradually goes black. But, I realize I am just starting to see myself.